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Many people, if they really knew all the words to the Star-Spangled Banner, would have our anthem changed to Free to Be You And Me.

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The Share Bear:

Sights: The Princess Bride,
Gross Pointe Blank, Monty Python, Say Anything

Sounds: Caedmon's Call, Waterdeep, Jump, Little Children, Peter Gabriel, The Flaming Lips, Neutral Milk Hotel, Old Blind Dogs, The Jeff Greer Band, Jars of Clay, Jason Mraz, Maroon 5, Seven Nations, Dog's Eye View, Legendary Pink Dots, the Gin Blossoms, Del Amitri, and tons and tons more...

Authors: C.S. Lewis, Melanie Rawn, Douglas Adams, Chuck Palahniuk, Patricia Wrede, John Steinbeck, and Stephen Lawhead is rapidly climbing the list...

Interests: Music, reading, writing, singing, and generally being far too solitary for my own good.

Favorite old romance movie: Breakfast At Tiffany's

Favorite smells: Rain, dirt, snow, fresh-cut grass, baby shampoo, mint, garlic, rosemary, basil... pretty much all herbs, and my boyfriend

Favorite holiday: Canada Day

If I was an animal, I'd be a: Penguin. Or kakapo. Some kind of flightless bird.

Marital status: Duh. Spoken for.

Thursday, May 22, 2003
To sleep, to dream...

I'm starting to seriously consider the possibility that I have insomnia. I got approximately 4 hours of sleep last night / this morning, and after having woken up at 9, it is now 3 AM and I'm wide awake. I just spent three hours cleaning my room and I feel like I could keep on going. My eyes and muscles are screaming at me to go to bed, but my mind's completely wired. It's kind of a crazy feeling. I think I just might like it. However, my muscles are about to win the battle of the bedtime... I'll find some way to tucker myself out. Just wanted to make sure I wrote a post for today, 'cause only the sweet lord knows if I'll make it through tomorrow without falling asleep where I stand.

By the way, if you want to make me happy, you can buy me this

Wednesday, May 21, 2003
If you're Chinese and hungry...
I've got an accidental case of the best of good intentions

I've been thinking lately (well, since last night, when John got me quite hooked on Venus Envy... thank you, dear) about what it means to be ones' self, and how important honesty is with the people you love and who love you most, but how sometimes it's best to keep to yourself. How some times we keep things to ourselves, not because we're ashamed or we think they're things to be ashamed of, but because we know what the person's reaction will be: disbelief, feelings of rejection, fear of change, fear for you. And those things are still pretty selfish, really. "They won't love me anymore", "They'll reject me", "They'll try to change me". But there is an element of selflessness there... right?

Weird fun crazy night / morning

Ugh. I am so sleep-deprived. Rock stars make my boyfriend look like a dick, cartoon transgendered chick's lesbian friend's breasts are better than mine, and installing carpet is insanely loud at 9:00 AM. Yeah, I know... I was amazed to learn there's a nine-AM now, too. Wish I could've learned on a night when I'd get more than three hours of sleep. Damn you, Erin Lindsey, damn you! *shakes fists at nothing in particular*

Tuesday, May 20, 2003
One order of daily news - hold the theatrics, please

When did we become a nation of drama queens?

I wish I was just a stupid kid

Once again, Caedmon's Call has a song to completely suit my musings, this time on college.

I think this place is swell,
There's much familiar here.
I get my laundry done
And I get home-cooked meals.
And when I'm feeling tired,
I can turn off all the lights,
Ignore the knocking on the door,
Pretend I'm not alive.

But, Daddy, it's Saturday,
And I don't want to go outside
And mow the grass today.
So, would you love me just as much
If I was just your stupid kid
So, would you love me just as much
If I was just your stupid kid

They tell me that I'm bright
Sometimes I think they're right
But I guess I'll never know
'Cause I won't go outside

Some days it's just so hot
And others it's so cold
Too much exposure to the sun
Would just make me look old

Well, isn't this Saturday?
It sure feels like Saturday.
So, wake me Saturday.
Daddy, it's Saturday.

And my mind wanders off
To things I've never seen,
Are these walls higher than the cost of opportunity?
I'm too big for my bed,
And I've outgrown my shoes.
But my fear of leaving
Is the one thing I just can't lose.

Daddy it's Saturday
I don't wanna go outside
And mow the grass today
So would you love me just as much
If I never got a job
If I never left your house
Would I be of use to you
If I never mattered much more than just your stupid kid
So would I love me just as much if I was just your stupid kid?
Mirror, mirror, on the wall...

The following is a song by Caedmon's Call, titled Piece of Glass. It was written to bring light to the sensitive subject of eating disorders in the time before we understood that it is a disease, but I think it applies to more than that. People, and especially women, can find themselves in a constant struggle with what they want and what they see in the mirror. No matter what, they're not perfect enough to live the lives they want to live. I know from first-hand experience that people look at me and see a light, thin, graceful swan and all I see when I look at myself is a short, big-nosed goose with a bad complexion and stubby legs. I know that when I look at myself that way I'll never allow myself the courage to do what I want; to perform, and be on a stage with thousands of judging eyes on me.
In a world with billions of human molds, it's hard to want to blend in as a human being and stand out as an individual when you feel so unattractive that you want to stay in your own little corner and let the world pass you by. Or maybe things happen to you that make you feel either like you have to stand out and be the "odd" one so no one will look deeper than your facade, or things that make you want to never let anyone see you at all. Whatever the reason or result, it's all bull. Everyone's beautiful. I know it's trite, but some things are only over-spoken because they're true. We're all just crawling on our hands and knees, in need of love.

Can't believe I did it again
Wake me up from this nightmare
'Cause this monster is filling me up, and filling me out
Every day I live a bit less
One night bleeds into another
Even if I went back they wouldn't recognise me
They'll criticize me

Who are you that lies when you stare at my face
Telling me that I'm just a trace of the person I once was
'Cause I just can't tell if you're telling the truth or a lie
On you I just can't rely
After all, you're just a piece of glass

Still this nightmare's all mine
When I call him, he answers
I can tell him when to come, when to stay
Sometimes I'm weaker than he is
Is he just letting me win?
He can tell me when to come, when to stay

Who are you that lies when you stare at my face
Telling me that I'm just a trace of the person I once was
'Cause I just can't tell if you're telling the truth or a lie
On you I just can't rely
After all, you're just a piece of glass

Don't talk; listen
Hold me tighter
Stay with me just for a while
Until the sun shines, stay with me
Just give me one more day

Who are you that cries when you stare at my face
Telling me that I'm just a trace of the person I once was, 'cause we're not the same
You're just a picture of me
You're gone as soon as I leave
You've lived my life for me
And you're no more than a piece of glass

Monday, May 19, 2003
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

You know that feeling when you realize how in love you are, and it hits you like a ton of silk-covered bricks right in the middle of your ribcage, knocking all the air out of your lungs in the most delicious way possible until all you can do is know, head and heart, that no matter what happens that feeling is what's going to get you through anything? When you know that love is more that just a word, said at the right time, when everything's alright. When everything you learned from books and Shakespeare and movies starring Julia Roberts suddenly makes sense, it's really BS, and that no matter what a movie or a play says it'll never be as real as the tightness in your chest and the butterflies in your stomach when you think of looking at that person across the table of a nursing home and knowing you'll still be in love with them. When you wonder if you've actually got it all wrong, and you don't care one way or the other 'cause you know everything in the here and now is exactly how it should be. And when you know that the object of your affection feels exactly the same way.

Yeah. I love that feeling. I hope you've felt it at least once in your life.

Sunday, May 18, 2003
Meat for the slobbering masses

I know I've been much more down and introspective than usual lately. I don't know, I blame the weather. So here's some cute furry kittens to cheer everyone up (thanks, Connell):

Something Awful
Sweet river, roll

Now I'm starin' out my car window, sittin' in the pouring rain
Although your house is fifteen miles away, I can still feel your pain
And I've thought and prayed and worked it through about a hundred times before
How your soul just cries to everyone to help you get up off the floor

And right now it's mornin', you're probably sleepin'
I bet you're totally unaware
Of the flood of kisses you hold back by the way that you despair
It ain't me I'm talkin' about here, or anybody else you can touch
That's all I wanna say right now, I don't wanna say too much

'Cept sweet river roll, roll all over me
Flightless birds will overcome

Which brings me to a more important point: My penguin is amazing. The end.



My Wish List

Hatful of Rain - Del Amitri

The Silver Hand - Stephen Lawhead

I Love My Geek t-shirt

Little Tux t-shirt

Binary clock

Plush Tux

Caffeine blanket

ThinkGeek Caffeine sampler

A case of Jones FufuBerry soda

Real Life t-shirt

Sean Manatee

Airman's Girl t-shirt

"The M1 does my talking for me!" hoodie

Lori Chaffer - 1 Beginning

Rock for Life hoodie

Abortionists love unborn babies raglan

Terror Alert Level

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